The Dark Before the Dawn
by AussiePhoenix
Summary: The third story in the Dark trilogy. Harry needs to find his place in the world again. Severus tries to help but he seems to be making all the wrong choices.
1. Arrangements

**The Dark Before the Dawn**

**Chapter One: Arrangements **

"Do you suppose striking his head caused him some sort of amnesia?"

"I think it's far more likely that the boy, the part of him who could see what was happening but could not take charge, suppressed the memories. Once all of Voldemort was ejected from him, he could no longer keep a tight hold on his feelings and memories because he once again had to deal with the outside world."

"He's refusing to stay in the manor."

"I imagine he would. It would hold a lot of painful memories for him."

"He can no longer communicate with the Demiguise." With satisfaction, Severus saw that he had finally stumped Dumbledore.

"I suppose…it is possible that as the power was imbued to him while he was not in full control of himself that it was stripped when the soul was expressed. Has he lost his ability to heal?"

"I am uncertain. He has not, to my knowledge, attempted it since leaving the hospital wing." Seeing the contemplative look on Dumbledore's look he added swiftly, "You will _not_be testing him as you did previously."

"If he does not cooperate it is in the best interests of…"

"This is not Voldemort we are dealing with. It is Potter."

"I thought you called him Harry these days."

"I find it safer not to call him anything at all."

"I do not wish to press him, but where does he intend to stay while he recovers? I don't believe he understands how much of a danger the world presents to him at the moment."

"Once the_Prophet_ prints their front page story people will know what happened and he should be safe enough."

"You know better than that, Severus. People will believe what they wish to believe and fear is a wonderfully convincing companion." Severus stared into his cup of tea, frowning at the truth in the statement. In fact the world would become more dangerous for him if the _Prophet _started to insinuate that he was weak or unlikely to defend himself with Voldemort's soul gone. There would always be people who viewed him with anger, hatred and suspicion. The families of the people Voldemort had killed – they would only be able to see the facade Voldemort had been wearing at the time.

The safest place for him would be at Birch Hall with all of the wards his paranoia, or Voldemort's, had insisted upon. However the near hysterical reaction Severus had gotten when Harry had finally pieced together his clearest memory to the foggiest had thrown that option out of the window. Thrown it out of the window, chased it downstairs and stomped on it.

If Severus was able to judge Harry's abilities and found him still able to defend himself from at least minor attacks, he would have thought Hogwarts was the next safest place. Students might try and seek revenge but Harry could hold them off. It would prevent the wider public for endangering his safety.

Dumbledore let out a quiet sigh and placed his cup down onto its saucer with a clatter.

"I'm afraid the safest place for Harry remains at Birch Hall. It may be some time before we can convince the public that the events which have taken place over the past year were not voluntary actions on his behalf. I have a number of people working on getting the word out but it will be quite a long time before anyone is convinced. The Minister is demanding Harry's immediate arrest you know.

"On top of this, I worry that Harry will require some rehabilitation before he is able to enter society again. The knowledge of what he has done will not sit easily with his conscience."

"_He _has done nothing. Voldemort was in control of him for the past year," Severus said, a touch of defensiveness in his tone.

"Not for the entire year," Dumbledore said in a tone Severus recognised all too well. His cup stopped halfway to his mouth.

"What do you know?" Dumbledore sighed and got to his feet, walking slowly over to the window and peering over the grounds with a slightly sad slump to his shoulders.

"I do not know anything. This is not a situation we have ever been in before. However I have theories. Things that do not make any sense until we tie them together. Have you thought carefully about the circumstance you find yourself in? You have become Harry's closest confidante. You managed this while it was still under the influence of Voldemort."

"I am hardly his confidante."

"Very well, then it is safe to say that you are the closest person he considers a friend. Perhaps more?" Severus refused to acknowledge the look he was getting. He had done what he had to do in stressful situations, in much the same way that he had when he had been spying on Voldemort. "There is, of course, a chance that this was in part due to Voldemort's own trust in you influencing Harry's trust. However as Voldemort could not have misunderstood your betrayal at the final battle, it seems much more likely that Harry was the one who placed his trust in you." It seemed misleading to Severus to call the debacle which had begun the downward spiral in Harry's life the 'final' battle.

"You are not telling me anything I have not already surmised, Albus."

"Patience, my friend. Or are you so eager to return to Mr Potter? I understood that you believed him settled at Birch Hall until your return."

"I would advise against calling him Mr Potter. I believe his outburst in the hospital wing reflects his frustration at suddenly being treated as though he is a student again." Severus did not address the reason that he knew he could get away with calling Harry 'Potter'. "And I believe I have convinced him to await my return before fleeing but we both know that he has a tendency to select the stupidest course of action and charge in head first."

"You do not believe that is still true after his experiences of the past year?" Dumbledore had an amused half-smile on his face as he peered at Severus over his cup.

"Perhaps not," Severus admitted. "I will still feel more comfortable when I can see it for myself." The headmaster wisely avoided bring up any mention of Severus' protectiveness of Harry.

"To bring this conversation back to the point. Your relationship with Harry improved his control over his own mind and body. Yes, I believe that at times Harry had control over his own actions. When he could muster the will to fight back. I doubt that Voldemort would have baulked at killing children and yet many of the children of men and women he murdered in the past year still survive.

"Harry saved them. Similarly, when you touched him you said it caused him great pain but he seemed much more himself afterwards. I believe, a I have said, that your ... concern...for him brought Harry forward while Voldemort struggled to comprehend such emotions."

'Very delicately put,' Severus thought to himself with a quiet snort. He would never put forth his one dispute with Dumbedore's argument: When he had first kissed Harry the boy had not been in pain.

"You might wonder why sometimes Harry did not feel pain when you tried to draw him to the front?" Dumbledore went on in a tone so conversational he might be talking about his favourite brand of tea. "I believe that there may have been times when your own anger fed Voldemort while your...concern...fed Harry. It balanced, as it were. Voldemort could not understand love but anger was an emotion he was well equipped to deal with."

"You know too much, Albus," Severus said, throwing an uneasy glance at the clock behind him.

"You are anxious to get back to Harry, I understand. I will not detain you any longer. What are your intentions regarding his living situation?'

"I think he needs to remain at Birch Hall, at least for now. I will try and convince him to stay. Perhaps if I assure he that I will reside at Birch Hall with him for a short while to make certain that Voldemort does not return it will calm him. I believe he harbours some sort of feeling that Voldemort's soul remains trapped there."

"It is gone," Dumbledore said, his voice firm and certain. "Where I could feel his soul linger after his attempt to kill Harry as a baby, I cannot feel it anymore. It was Harry's love for Norbert which was too strong for Voldemort. It destroyed him."

"You didn't feel him while he took over Harry," Severus replied cooly, getting to his feet. Part of him could not help but blame the headmaster – so apparently omniscient – from failing Harry in this regard. The headmaster's face was full of regret and self recrimination as he responded,

"I believed the power to be Harry's own and did not look past that soon enough. Severus, you must remember before your promise to remain at Birch Hall with Harry that the school term is shortly about to resume. I really do require my potions master back." The look Severus gave Dumbledore as he stepped into the fireplace could have withered a thousand year old oak.

It had been two weeks since Harry had left Hogwart's hospital wing and arrived back at Birch Hall. He had spent most of those two weeks locked up in his bedroom trying to sort through the onslaught of half-finished memories flooding back to him. The door had only remained locked as long as Severus was willing to give him privacy, of course. He found the man had the uncanny ability to appear just as he began to feel entirely overwhelmed.

Hermione and Ron had both attempted to see him but had been told that under no circumstances would their presence help matters and that Harry would see them when he was ready.

He was never going to be ready.

Harry's hand trembled as it lifted a glass of water and he sipped it without knowing why he was drinking. The screams of people he had tortured and murdered rang in his head.

"Voldemort," Severus reminded him as he stepped through the fire and into the study. Harry jumped and sent his water spraying across the carpet. "You were blaming yourself once again for the actions of Voldemort." Harry did not answer but leapt again as Dobby appeared with a crack, a fresh glass of water, and quickly cleaned up the old one. "Would you take responsibility if Voldemort had committed these murders in his own body?" The argument was an old one already and Harry chose not to respond.

"Can I leave now?" he asked, his voice betraying his exhaustion. Severus slipped into a seat and glared at Dobby as the house elf clattered around, every noise making Harry flinch.

"Where do you intend to go with the entire wizarding world howling for your blood?" The question was meant to jolt Harry out of his foolish ideas but from the disturbing flicker on his face, Severus suspected that the idea was not as repugnant as it should have been. "Believe me, they would regret killing their saviour sooner or later. If you must be self sacrificing consider how terrible they would feel then." Sarcasm touched the words and it was apparent that Severus could not give less of a damn about what other people felt.

"I don't care where I go. I don't want to be here. This house _stinks _of him," Harry's voice was torn between fury and begging. "I feel like I am going to run into him as I turn a corner." He bit his lip and it was clear that he was stifling himself from finishing his train of thought.

"Voldemort is gone. He can't control you any more." In another man, Severus' voice might have been gentle.

"Terrific, well I want to be gone too. So if you're done treating me like a dog told to sit and stay, I'll be leaving." Harry got to his feet but despite his words, he did not have the energy for genuine anger and swayed where he stood.

"Sit back down, Potter," Severus said sharply. The violent flinch and immediate obeying of his words startled and concerned him. It was getting worse each time he saw Harry. The man seemed convinced of an attack but his fear contradicted his apparent readiness for one in the outside world. "I believe it is important that you remain here, for another month." He had determined that offering a specific time frame might calm Harry's protests, though what they would do after a month he was not sure. "It is important for you to recuperate." Raising a hand to stifle Harry's protests he added, "I will remain here with you, if you wish. I assure you I am perfectly capable of recognising the symptoms if Voldemort _were _to return, which he will not." Hope sprung in Harry's eyes, but it was a sick kind of hope and Severus knew immediately what he was going to ask.

"If...if he came back, sir, you'd...you'd...destroy him?" the desperation in Harry's voice showed that he held no fantasies about a white knight coming to do his dirty work for him. He wanted Severus to kill him if Voldemort repossessed him.

'Albus, you'd better be right about this,' Severus swore silently.

"If he came back," he agreed, the words falling reluctantly from his lips. Harry slumped back in his seat.

"Very well then, sir. I'll stay for another month." It made Severus feel increasingly awkward to hear Harry calling him sir instead of Severus. He had become used to thinking of Harry as a man, perhaps even a friend, and Harry's insistence since he awoke of calling him sir since Voldemort had been forced from his body. He supposed it was rather awkward to awake from that sort of half daze to remember everything Severus had had to do to keep him tied to the real world. With consideration for this, Severus had made every effort to keep a respectable distance between himself and Harry.

Harry shivered and very slowly levered himself out of his seat. Severus had to remind himself that his help would not be appreciated and stayed seated as Harry slowly made his way towards the fire. It seemed to be a relief to drop his weight onto one knee once he arrived and then he did something Severus could not recall him doing in over a year, he pulled out his wand to perform a basic incendio spell. A blaze shot up in the fireplace and Harry's shivering slowed.

"You used your wand," Severus commented quietly.

"Yes, sir," Harry mumbled.

"You do not have to call me sir, you know Harry," Severus said carefully. Unable to find a reply which could put into words the reasons for his sudden submission, Harry decided to focus his energy into pushing himself up from the ground again and slowly trekking back to his seat. The slight spell made his nerves shiver but he wasn't sure if it was due to his slow recovery or because he still felt as though he might lose control with every spell he cast. That the next one might be meant to kill.

'I suppose this answers Albus' question about the rest of his powers,' Severus considered gravely. 'If he cannot light a fire without being right in front of it.' He was curious to know if Harry had also lost his healing powers but it was apparent that now was not the right time to ask.

"This Minister has been asking after you, you know," he said conversationally.

"Wants me locked up and the key thrown away I suppose," Harry said dully. "Can't say I blame him."

"Self-pity is such a good look for you, Potter," Severus said snarkily. Kindness and compassion did not come easily to him and took up so much of his energy that to have it thrown back in his face was becoming increasingly frustrating. His comment did not stir Harry to protest or anger. On the contrary, he looked thoroughly chided and distressed.

"I'm sorry, sir. Maybe...maybe you should just leave. You have done more than enough for me and...isn't it almost time for Hogwarts' new term to begin? Surely they can't have found another potions master?"

"I will be returning to Hogwarts at the beginning of the term, it is still a week away. However, I can easily floo back here at night. Or less often. Just to reassure you that you have not been taken over by an evil force once more." It was a poor attempt at a joke and did not get so much as a smirk from Harry. Indeed the man had stiffened and was now peering towards the door with a look of anguish on his face. Severus twisted in his seat to find Augurey outlined in the door, the Demiguise looking uncertain.

The ape like creature had been making an effort to avoid Harry since seeing his friend's distress at being unable to communicate with him. It was not difficult for a creature from whose coat invisibility coats were made. His entering now told Severus that something was wrong. He did not need to be able to understand the Demiguise's language to understand the frantic gesture with those great hairy hands. There was a mob coming.

"Thank you, Augurey. I don't think we need to worry. The wards are still in place. Aren't they?" Severus glanced at Harry who was still staring at his old friend.

"They...aren't as strong...as they were," he mumbled. "I don't...the power told hold them is...a lot." It was the least reassuring answer Harry could have given and Severus got to his feet.

"Perhaps we should retire to the room behind Cason's portrait?" he suggested to Harry.

"I thought this was meant to be the safest place for me," Harry replied without sarcasm.

"Part of it being safe is having places to retreat to," Severus pointed out. When Harry made no move to seek a safer room, Severus finally sat back down.

"You should go. If they find you here...well you were under suspicion with Voldemort anyway..." The potions professor shot Harry his best withering look at made no move to leave the room.

"I doubt they will make it very far, you have friends in the forest and your wards are still good."

"That would be much more reassuring if you hadn't just tried to flee."

"I do not _flee_, Potter." Severus glared at the young man who actually gave him a lopsided grin, albeit a short one.

"You just beat a hasty retreat?" Harry joked before the humour left him. Augurey had left the room, presumably to check on the progress of the angry people. "I suppose this means word has gotten around that I'm not the big bad wolf anymore. Ah, I guess you didn't have those kinds of stories when you were a child." Severus had looked confused momentarily but been caught up as he realised that Harry was right – people knew Voldemort was gone. Their first instinct was to attack. He felt a sudden wave of derision and anger at the human race. "Maybe...maybe it would be better if they did just kill me. It would mean Voldemort couldn't come back, it would make sure." Harry looked dejected but as though he fully believed what he was saying. Severus' anger grew.

"Very well, go and throw yourself on your sword like a good self-sacrificing Gryffindor," he sneered. What he had expected was Harry sulking, or immediately backing down. What he got was Harry giving a slow nod and very carefully picking himself out of his chair. His slow shuffle towards the door convinced Severus that this was not a bluff. He actually intended to hand himself over to the lunatics outside the gates.

"Idiotic man," Severus sprung from his chair and grabbed Harry's wrist as he tried to go past. A frantic look of fear and pain enveloped Harry but he did not tug away as Severus' grip on his wrist grew tighter. "Why do you insist on turning yourself into some kind of self-sacrificing martyr for the wizarding world? Voldemort is dead. You have played your part."

"He could come back. I need to stop that happening," Harry rasped tiredly.

"I cannot believe that I forgot that your ego is so large that you assume the entire world revolves around you," Severus snapped, not once releasing his grip on Harry's wrist. He had so often wanted to shake sense into the man in the past year that it was a relief to finally have the chance. "Voldemort did not choose you because you are the perfect vessel, or because you are so powerful and brave and people just swoon as you walk past. You were the closest body to him. You were the one person who could destroy him and he thought of a way to rid himself of two problems at once. A fresh start for him, with no pesky hero trying to kill him.

"If it hadn't been you it could have been anyone else. It was Quirrel, or have you so soon forgotten that lesson?" Harry had frozen and was listening to Severus in a sort of trance. "Your death will not doing anything but assuage some people's idea of justice – murdering you is just that, murder. You have not done anything wrong and in time everyone else will learn that." He finally released Harry's wrist – their skin stuck to each other for a moment – and Harry took the wrist up to rub at it gently. Severus wanted to snap that he had not hurt him, but Harry's manner was not accusing him of such.

"So you'll stay. At least until the school semester starts?" Harry asked, taking a deep breath.

"If you avoid running off to meet mobs of idiots, then yes, I'll stay."

"What if I want to see Hermione and Ron?"

"Two people does not count as a mob, Potter." The thought that Harry might want to see his friends gave Severus hope as he carefully steered Harry back to his seat. It might be a long way off, Harry might have been joking, but his ability to say their names and to acknowledge that they were his friends, well it was a good first step.


	2. Old Friends, the Best Friends

**Chapter Two: Old Friends, the Best Friends**

Severus watched in concern as Harry grew more and more withdrawn over the next two days and found himself increasingly frustrated with the man's half-hearted responses to his questions or lack of interaction when Hedwig flew down to land on his arm, positively delighted to have her real master back. He had not yet left Birch Hall for any reason and Severus knew that the isolation was not good for the young man. He was letting himself be cut off from the world to avoid having to deal with the numerous issues out there. While Severus was extremely grateful that Harry was no longer in a hurry to run out into the arms of an angry mob, he was certain there had to be a happy medium.

Harry had asked the question Severus knew was coming but had wished to put off for longer. They had been sitting at the dining table with Augurey (who still refused to eat unless he saw Harry eating), Dobby (much to Severus' consternation) and Hedwig when Harry had looked up from his beef stew and stared hard at Severus for a long moment before slowly asking, as though aware that he might not like the answer,

"Sir, you said I passed out after trying to heal Norbert, yes?" Harry looked away as though it might soften the blow he knew was coming. Severus had stiffened and briefly closed his eyes.

"Yes, Harry."

"Norbert...I haven't seen him or Pip around. Did...I mean, did Norbert take Pip somewhere safer?" Did the man have to look quite so hopeful?

"No, Harry," he said as carefully as he could. "I'm afraid that after you were knocked out, Norbert was still unconscious. It was possible he was already dead. Dumbledore attempted to revive him but he was unable. I believe Hagrid buried him."

"Oh, okay." Harry looked pale as he scooped up some more of his stew and chewed as though he had a particularly tough piece of beef in it, something Severus knew Dobby would never allow. The man continued to eat while staring into his bowl and Severus waited patiently, knowing that he was not yet finished. After a long while in which Harry tore up his crusty bread and dropped it piece by piece into his bowl he asked,

"Pip?" his voice was strained and he did not wish to risk saying anything more than that in case it broke.

"Has been relocated to Romania. I believe Charlie Weasley was part of the contingency who ensured his safe delivery. He is in the process of being bonded with a new mother who lost her child. Mr Weasley said he would send you an update when he was sure of Pip's progress. You were asking for his removal during your cationic state in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts."

"Right," Harry muttered. He twisted his hands in front of him. It was better this way; it was good that Norbert's wishes were being carried out.

"No need for you to offer to take him in," Severus added dryly, looking around at the strange contingent around him. At the grunt from Harry, he realised that that was exactly what the man had intended on doing.

Harry had asked all of these questions the night he had arrived back at Birch Hall but had certainly not been intelligible enough to wait for an answer. Severus feared that knowing his dragon-friends were gone was doing nothing to assist Harry in leaving from his stupor. He knew Harry was having nightmares; it appeared he would never escape them even with the Dark Lord's departure, but Harry had placed a silencing charm on his room and for once Severus decided it was not his place to interfere.

However when the man was standing in front of him in full view of the potion master's discerning eye it was a different matter entirely. Harry looked pale and strained and seemed to have a permanent crease in his forehead which did not suit his young age. Looking at him now, Severus was sure he could see a faint line of perspiration on the man's forehead. Crinkling his own brow, Severus hoped that Harry was not getting ill as an after effect of the possession.

"Harry, perhaps you ought to wander outside of Birch Hall," he broached the subject carefully, still uncertain of how volatile Harry's temper could be. He had suggested Harry leave the manor the day before and the man had almost crumpled before him before leaving the room and spending the rest of the day in his bedroom. "It is a bright day outside, I am certain it would do you good to get some fresh air."

"No," Harry said bluntly, but did not storm from the room which Severus took as a good sign. Though it was offset by Harry staring at the coffee table without blinking.

"The forest creatures would certainly appreciate you visiting," it was very hard to keep a condescending sneer out of his voice as he said it but Severus struggled valiantly and managed it fairly well.

"I can't speak to them, I doubt they'd find my company very stimulating," Harry replied dully.

"Self-pity helps no one," Severus snapped, frustrated. The infuriating man simply raised one shoulder and then let it drop. "Half an hour outside will not diminish the wonderfully pallid look you have grown for yourself in the past months."

"A bit rich coming from you," was the retort, though it was immediately followed by an apologetic, "sir." Severus would have felt better if that had been left off.

"A quick walk to check your boundary wards, they may have been affected by the rejection of Voldemort from your body." Harry gave a violent start at the name and glared at Severus, his patience worn.

"You were blackmailing me into staying here not three days ago. What gives?"

"I simply think it would be prudent of you to integrate yourself into outside world once more. Even if that world happens to lye no more than a few feet from your door," Severus explained, irritated. "Or would you permit either Miss Granger or Mr Weasley to come here? You mentioned them 'not three days ago.' If it was possible that they could come to Birch Hall without being cursed or screamed at, I'm certain they would be delighted by the prospect." Seeming to retract into himself at the mention of cursing, Harry just gave an infuriating one-shouldered shrug again and continued to analyse the wood properties of the common coffee table.

"Very well, I will extend the invitation on your behalf," Severus said brusquely. When Harry did not move, he let out his breath through his teeth and strode to the door with the intention of using the fire in his room to speak with the pair. He thought it best that they not see Harry's current semi-cationic state or he be given the opportunity to lash out at them during the invitation. He had opened one door and was halfway through when Harry's quiet voice rose to meet him, asking cautiously,

"Maybe just Hermione then?" Severus nodded sharply but did not give the boy a chance to add any more conditions. It was natural for him to be concerned about his reception by Ron. The boy possessed little subtlety and his already notably short fuse had had several inches cut off it since the death of his younger sister.

Harry sighed and sat back in his chair, staring around the room in a hopeless attempt to find something to entertain himself. His hand reached towards a book but he flinched as he read the title and quickly dropped it again. Getting to his feet he started to pace. Harry found himself deeply restless but no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that stepping out into the public world would be a good idea he was always left with the deep, guilty feeling that it was not fair to anyone who had seen him, he tried to avoid the word murdering, as the Dark Phoenix. He had managed to keep his mind off the faces of his victims for two long minutes but now slumped back into his chair and buried his face into his hands.

How could he possibly face Hermione?

**LINEBREAK**

"It isn't fair to ask her to come here. I think we should cancel the invitation," Harry fretted to Severus over dinner, picking unhappily at his food while Dobby watched self-recriminating.

"Are you asking for my permission?" Severus demanded snidely.

"You issued the invitation. Don't you think it's a little strange she wasn't available to come to the fire to answer your call herself? I don't think it's fair to make her come. She obviously doesn't want to. I tried to kill her family." A fork slammed down on the table and Harry jumped, staring at Severus with a touch of fear on his face. Forcing himself to calm a little, Severus said with forced patience,

"We have been over this and over this, _Harry._ It was Voldemort who attacked Granger's family. It was Voldemort who attacked _everyone_. All you did was save who you could. I am not having this argument again."

"Maybe I could have saved more people. Why only children?" Harry asked softly. A small, vicious dog was eating away at his insides and occasionally dug its sharp claws into his intestine so he was attacked by a sharp pain which left him unable to breath for a long moment.

"You should have this conversation with Albus," Severus said. "He enjoys reiterating your greatest weapon being love, how your emotions make you who you are and all that other rot. I am sure there are logical reasons that children sparked the emotion which permitted you to fight back against Voldemort. In fact I am certain Granger will have an explanation which might assuage some of your concerns."

"She shouldn't have to come," Harry repeated quietly.

"Granger was one of the brightest witches I ever had in my class," Severus said, forcing each word from his mouth. "If she wishes to decline the invitation and feels the need to make up an excuse, I am certain she will have a significantly plausible one prepared." An owl screeched outside and suddenly swooped through the window to drop a thick piece of parchment in an envelope before Harry with his name scrawled in Hermione's writing across the front. He picked it up and stared at it for a moment.

"Besides," Severus said, getting to his feet. "Miss Granger rushed to your side in the hospital wing and stayed with you until you awoke. I believe my invitation will have been well received." He left the room to permit Harry to open the response in private. Dobby quickly cleared the table and departed as well. Harry was left with Hedwig hooting quietly and grumpily at the owl drinking out of her water bowl.

A finger slipped the envelope open and he unfolded the thick parchment, hesitating in fear of what it might say. A sigh fell from his lips and he rested the parchment on the table, closing his eyes unhappily. He hated it when Severus was right.

**LINEBREAK**

"Would you like to go back to the dress robes?" Severus asked dryly, raising an eyebrow at Harry as he adjusted his robes and glanced at his muggle clothing on the bed in consideration. "I do not think what you are wearing will effect Miss Granger's opinion of you. However I believe it might make a difference if you are comfortable." Harry launched himself at his jeans and t-shirt and ducked into the other room to change.

"I could still send Hedwig to tell her not to come," he called back, but it was more of a question than a statement. Severus flicked a page in his newspaper and did not bother replying. It was the eleventh suggestion of backing out since Hermione's positive reply to their invitation. Severus kept his eye on the _Prophet, _searching it as usual for any mention of Harry. There were usually several, keeping cautiously and quietly critical as though not entirely certain that Voldemort might not emerge and attack once more.

Harry re-entered the room in his muggle clothes and shoved his hands into his pockets uncomfortably.

"Repeat that sentiment once more and I will be inclined to ensure that there will be no one here for Miss Granger to meet," Severus warned acerbically as Harry opened his mouth. Harry's chest leapt violently and he suddenly had an urge to whip his wand out and curse the other man for his impertinence. The feeling was suppressed immediately and he was left shivering and feeling unwell.

"Don't talk to me like that," he mumbled, glaring at the wall. Part of him hated his wish to attack Severus every time he acted like Snape the snarky potions professor, and part of him thought it was justified. He might not have Voldemort in him anymore, he might not be powerful and frightening, but he was not just another seventeen year old student to be talked down to and treated like he was inferior.

"I do-," Harry jumped and whirled to face the door. Severus dropped the _Prophet _and had his wand drawn before he had even seen that the cause of Harry's statement was Augurey. The Demiguise was giving his friend a sad look but then turned his head away and faced Severus, motioning that there was someone at the downstairs door.

"The young woman with dark brown hair who has been here previously?" Severus verified. At Augurey's nod Severus glanced at Harry who said stiffly,

"I'll let her in." His pace was quick as he moved from the room and he appeared to try not to touch Augurey as he eased sideways through the doorframe. The Demiguise made a great effort to conceal his further distress until Harry could easily be heard opening the front door.

"I believe it is time for me to leave," Severus said, getting to his feet and moving towards the fire.

**LINEBREAK**

"Harry!" Hermione made a movement so reminiscent of their schooldays that for a split second Harry forgot their circumstances. She seemed genuinely happy to see him, even though she held back on the hug as soon as she realised she was moving towards him and recovered by leaning down to brush some dirt from her robe. With a pang he did not want to consider too long, Harry shut the door.

"It was nice of you to come," he said quietly.

"I was glad to get the invitation," Hermione ventured genuinely. "I was sorry I couldn't give Professor Snape my answer right away but I was having a shower and R...I wasn't told about the message until a little later." It gave Harry a strange sense of pride in his red-headed friend to know he was still being wary about the situation. They stood for a moment in the hallway and Harry could tell Hermione was battling with adding something, perhaps reassuring him that Ron would have come if he could. What he was not expecting was for her to slowly step for and open her arms in a half-embarrassed move. The same part of him which had instinctively wished to attack Severus for impudence wanted to scoff at the idea of a hug but the larger part of him, the Harry part, welcomed it. Very slowly he stepped forward and allowed Hermione's arms to wrap around him and squeeze gently.

Harry's entire body tingled with the wish to pull away but he held on for a few more seconds before releasing her and stepped back. Hermione was giving him a gentle, far too-understanding smile.

"Would you like some tea?" Harry asked, his voice waving just a touch. Hermione's nod held a little more keenness than the offer warranted and he realised that he was not the only nervous person in the room. He had taken four steps towards the study before he was overwhelmed with the memories of the last time Hermione had been in that room with him and quickly veered towards the dining room. "Dobby?" he asked quietly. Hermione did not comment on the appearance of the house elf or of Harry's need to call him out loud.

"Yes Master Harry?" Dobby asked, giving him an awkward half-bow, attempting to restrain himself.

"Can we get some tea thanks?" Dobby was gone in an instant as Harry and Hermione settled in seats opposite one another on the long table. It really was ridiculously long for his purposes, Harry considered a little wildly as he stared around the room for a safe topic to touch on. Before he could think of anything, Dobby had returned and served them their tea with a large selection of biscuits and sandwich triangles on a plate.

"Thank you, Dobby," Hermione and Harry said simultaneously. The house-elf left the room almost in tears of gratitude as Harry snatched up a sandwich to chew on. He realised that Dobby had noticed that he had not eaten anything that day and spared a thought to hope that the house-elf had still eaten. Having eaten his fill of sandwiches, Harry wrapped his hands around his scalding cup of tea and stared at the table.

"Dobby seems very happy here," Hermione said finally. Harry gave a one-shouldered shrug. He could not explain to her that Dobby had been less happy while he had worked for a Dark wizard. That he had been starved for weeks when Harry had refused to eat. "We have a new Defence teacher this year. He's set some of the hardest books the seventh years have ever seen. Professor Louis. Apparently he spent three years in the Himalayas fighting the dark creatures in the mountains and was one of the only people to ever see a Juscure."

"A Jus...?" Harry stared at Hermione blankly and he could see reflected in her face that she was seeing him as her friend again. Good old, ignorant Harry.

"A Juscure. A sort of white shadow creature. It lives where it can blend in with the snow. Muggles have occasionally glimpsed it and thought it was a Yeti."

"Oh." They fell into silence again for a long moment and Harry clutched his mug so hard that the heat from the tea scalded him.

"Dad's okay now, you know," Hermione blurted out suddenly. Harry jumped as though she had sworn and his eyes swivelled to meet hers. She looked back at him steadfastly. "Dad. He's fine. He spent some time in St Mungo's and they fixed him right up. He and mum know it wasn't you, you know. I told them you probably even helped to stop Voldemort from doing worse." Harry was filled with a deep, choking shame and he lost eye contact again.

"I didn't," he muttered.

"Professor Dumbledore said you were stopping Voldemort from killing the children," Hermione ploughed on.

"No, I didn't," Harry interrupted forcefully. "I mean, yeah, with the kids. But I didn't. Not with your dad. I didn't fight him hard enough then."

"Oh." They fell into silence again and Harry glanced at his hands. The knuckles were white with the exertion of pressure upon the cup as the tea began to grow cold. He sipped at it for something to do. "It still wasn't you, you know that right, Harry?" Hermione sounded as though she was trying to reassure herself as much as him, but the sentiment was nice all the same.

"I guess. So Severus tells me." Hermione inhaled too much tea and coughing filled the air as she tried to breathe again.

"Well...well Professor Snape is right," she concluded finally. Harry made a hmm noise and continued to stare at his tea, swirling it back and forth. He wanted to explain to Hermione about the feelings which kept threatening to swallow him. The shame, the guilt and worst of all the feeling that his mind had been tainted, that it had been violated. He felt dirty and nothing he could say, or that they could say, seemed to be able to rid him of that feeling. "Harry?" The tone in Hermione's voice made him look up and he started violently as he saw Augurey enter the room. The Demiguise avoided coming too near but placed a vial of a foul potion Severus had insisted he drink to assist his recovery on the table. Augurey left hurriedly and Harry frowned as he quickly drank down the potion. "Did something happen with Augurey?" Hermione asked carefully. "You were rather startled to see him," she added as Harry looked at her sharply.

"I can't...hear him anymore," Harry explained finally. A hand flourished around his head in explanation. "Since Voldemort left. I can't...I don't have the same powers."

"You mean Voldemort's powers used you as a conduit and increased both his and your powers combined?" Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"Er...yeah, I guess."

"Oh. So you aren't...as powerful now?"

"No. I s'pose not," Harry shrugged. "I don't think it's a bad thing," he hurried on. "I mean once people see all the power is gone, they won't be afraid anymore, right?" He did not suggest that it would be difficult for anyone to tell that his powers were gone as he refused to leave the manor and was grateful when Hermione did not immediately jump onto that argument as Severus would have in her place.

"Well, maybe. Although I think it would be nice to think that you still had that power to protect yourself when you do go out into public again." Seeing Harry's face she hurried on, "Not that I think you will need to defend yourself. I mean there will still be a few people out there who are angry, you know. It's not like you haven't spent your whole life with at least one person after you. It's just like that. Remaining Death Eaters you know. And maybe...some others." The hole she was digging for herself was getting deeper and, apparently aware of this, Hermione cut herself off there.

"Sure. It just wouldn't be as fun if there wasn't at least one person out for my blood," Harry agreed without a hint of bitterness. Staring at his hands he added, "It's not like I don't deserve it. One way or another. I'm sure I could have fought him harder. Once I realised. I mean I have to have realised, don't I? It's not possible to not realise you're being possessed." He snorted derisively.

"Ginny didn't," Hermione put in immediately. Both of them flinched at her words and fell silent, remember the youngest Weasley.

"Ginny also wasn't showing all the signs of becoming the Dark Lord though," Harry replied. "And if everyone out there could see it, why couldn't I?"

"No one knew you were being controlled by Voldemort!" Hermione protested.

"No. Maybe they can tell that he was really just waking up part of me that is there. Maybe...maybe it was always going to happen, Voldemort or no Voldemort." Even though his voice was steady, it was apparent that Harry was voicing a very really fear. Hermione bit her bottom lip and reached across the table to gently touch his hand. When he did not pull away she let her fingers rest there.

"Harry, have you ever heard of victim blaming?" Harry shook his head stiltedly. "It's when people put the blame on the victim for something that was done to them. It's a way of justifying the crime. It happens a lot with things where the victim is a minority. Well...that's sort of what's happening here. What happened _wasn't _your fault. I mean it's really unique because it was all being done through your body but it was still something being done to you, through you, without your permission."

"Maybe it was with my permission though. I didn't fight hard enough."

"You _fought_, though. Harry you fought off Lord Voldemort when he was possessing you. One of the post powerful wizards of all time and you could still fight him. Even after your mother's protection had been taken from you. Even after you had lost faith in almost everything."

"Which made it possible for him to possess me in the first place," Harry pointed out bluntly. "In fifth year, he couldn't stay in my body for long. It was agony to him. But because I turned into some psychotic loony he could take over my body no problems."

"He tricked you Harry. He tricked you like he's tricked even _Dumbledore_," Hermione stressed. Harry didn't have an answer for that.

"Okay. Well...look...I just need some time, okay?"

"Of course."

"If...when I do...go out? What do you think...what's the attitude?" he asked, strained, clutching his cup so hard that Hermione was worried he might break it. She hoped against hope that he was not thinking of doing something stupid because of his guilt.

"I don't know, Harry. It's all pretty mixed. Half the people still don't understand that Voldemort is gone."

"Don't believe that he was ever in control of me, you mean," Harry corrected quietly.

"Maybe. But they're being corrected. The true story is getting around. People are starting to take a fancy to the idea of you fighting Voldemort off for a year by yourself. Professor Dumbledore's influence of course. The Minister is quite happy to leave you seeming like..."

"An insane prat?" Harry suggested. Hermione laughed.

"Well yes. Maybe he's worried you'll take his position if people get to like you too much. Maybe he just wants a scapegoat for everything that happened. It's a slow process. Fear makes people stupid." A jerky nod was all Hermione received in acknowledgement and she searched for a topic to distract him. "How is it having Professor Snape around all the time?" she asked finally, not voicing the portion of the question indicating that she wanted to know how it was now Voldemort was not in his head.

"He's being his usual condescending self again," Harry shrugged, his face betraying how bothered he was by that.

"How else would he be?" Hermione asked, without really needing to. She had seen Professor Snape hold Harry's hand, touching his neck and reassuring him every time Voldemort had fought for control of Harry's body.

"I don't know. He treated me differently with Voldemort in me. You know, equally. Or...well sometimes like I was his superior. That was...uncomfortable," Harry laughed for a split second before it died out but Hermione's heart leapt at the sound all the same.

"I think a lot of people are angrier with Professor Snape than with you," Hermione said, hoping to reassure Harry of his own safety. It backfired as the other Gryffindor stiffened and sat up straighter.

"What? Why?" Anger and fear tinged Harry's voice.

"Well...he's a known Death Eater. He'd just been cleared of being a spy to Voldemort and was back on the good side of people when he suddenly seemed to turn into the lackey of the new Dark Lord," Hermione explained uncomfortably. "A lot of the remaining Death Eaters are out for his blood for his betrayal to Voldemort and a lot of the public are angry for him being a traitor to Professor Dumbledore." For the first time in months Hermione saw Harry's face blazing with life and concern and it was so much more like the Harry she knew that she felt as though her heart was beating in her mouth at the chance that they might actually get him back.

"Don't worry. Professor Dumbledore won't let anything happen to him," she reassured Harry. His face had become very serious as he looked at her.

"Neither will I."

**LINEBREAK**

Hermione threw a handful of floo powder into her fire and called,

"Professor Snape's office, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, _persevero quod tolero_." The flames shot up and coloured and Hermione thrust her head into them, thinking that she would never quite get used to the strange feeling of disembodiment that it gave her to speak this way.

"Miss Granger," Professor Snape looked up from his desk and raised an eyebrow. "This is later than I had expected."

"Yes, sir. It's later than I expected too. Harry didn't seem to mind me staying after all."

"You appear to have all of your facial features intact; I presume the rest of your body parts are still attached too?"

"Yes, sir," Hermione blushed a touch. She would never have admitted that part of her had still feared being attacked by Harry as she had approached Birch Hall that day.

"So Harry enjoyed your visit. Did he behave oddly at all?"

"Not like he had Voldemort in him, sir. He did seem rather downhearted," Hermione mentioned.

"As one might expect given the circumstances. Did he express a wish to return to school?" She shook her head regretfully.

"No, sir. He seemed a bit distressed that people are still angry."

"It would have been better not to bring that up, Miss Granger," Severus said sharply.

"It couldn't be avoided, he asked," Hermione bit back. "I don't know about you but personally I don't think he would take too kindly to us withholding information from him again. It didn't work out too well the first time, did it? Sir," she added, looking mortified at her cheek.

"Hmm. Perhaps not. Anything else?"

"Just that he doesn't like that you seem to be condescending towards him again, sir," Hermione replied. She had almost decided not to bring it up, but it was apparent that it was truly bothering her friend.

"He has taken to calling me 'sir' again. If he wishes to address me like a student, I presume he wishes to be addressed as one," Severus retorted.

"Are you sure that your attitude and his politeness are mutually exclusive?" Hermione asked. Feeling shocked by her boldness she hurriedly concluded, "Good night, sir," and disappeared from the fire. Severus place his quill down by his parchment and rested a hand on his face for a moment, musing.

**A/N: **

**Alright I have discovered the hates my scene breaks and has not been putting them in. That has probably been confusing you. I have tried three kinds and hopefully this lot will actually work!**

**Note: It did not work. Fifth time is the charm. Sorry for the awful way of showing my scene breaks.**

**Thank you for your kind reviews and Happy Easter! Now I will ask for your help. When I started the Dark Series I was young and impetuous and didn't care for plans. Silly me. Now I've planned out the first six chapters of Dark Before the Dawn but I'd like to make sure I wrap up any loose ends, so anything you still want the answers for, anything you think should be addressed or you'd like to see addressed, please let me know in a review! They keep me going and it's lovely to check my inbox and find them there. **


	3. Venturing Out

**Chapter Three**

_**Venturing Out**_

Severus had reappeared in Birch Hall the next day as though nothing unusual had occurred in his absence. Harry gave no notion that anything had changed except a slightly harder set to his chin as he looked at the professor and a marginally more purposeful step in his limping gait. Severus decided that his wisest move was to permit Harry these changes without comment and instead settled himself in the study with a long scroll rolling out to the floor before him, crossing items off with a flourish and adding more in scrawling writing at the bottom of the page occasionally.

"What are you doing, sir?" It had taken Harry far longer than Severus could have imagined possible to give into his curiosity from where he sat in the chair opposite, clenching and unclenching his hands as though wishing he was able to put them to a constructive use.

"I am organising what I must pick up from Diagon Alley today for the new term," he replied steadily, trying not to let his frustration at Harry's formal way of speaking show through.

"Why?" Harry suddenly sat forward in the chair. "The school term doesn't start yet."

"I do try to exercise some preparation before my classes," Severus replied, his voice steady rather than sneering, Hermione's words were burned into his brain. "I have the choice of going today or waiting until Diagon Alley will undoubtedly be inundated with hundreds of former and future students all having consumed far too many chocolate frogs."

"Owl post," Harry suggested quickly. "Just get it sent to you. They do that, take orders I mean."

"At a very unreasonable price per feather on the owl they send," Severus countered, still in an oddly gentle tone which bothered Harry much more than his argument did.

"I'll pay." He forgot sometimes that not everyone had his money and his many lessons from Ron would never teach him that people did not like it flaunted before them. Severus' nostrils flared and he pointedly stared down his nose at Harry.

"If I were so inclined to have my belongings delivered by owl pos, I assure you I am capable of paying for it, however I am loathe to offer anyone money which they do not deserve. Furthermore, I cannot trust any bumbling half-wits to select out the most appropriate ingredients from the apothecary. A Jobberknoll feather which was plucked too early from its owner will have as much effect in a memory potion as one pulled from a raven. Bundimun solution which has been improperly diluted will either not perform as it should or will eat away at all of Poppy's furniture."

"Why would you be brewing cleaning potions?" interrupted Harry in surprise. Severus's returned gaze was almost comical in its utter disbelief. Catching himself, the older wizard wiped the expression from his face and set his jaw again. For a moment he had been lecturing Potter the boy and not Harry the man. Infuriatingly he realised Hermione had been right in calling him out on his behaviour.

"It is a significantly cheaper not to mention superior way to get strong, anti-bacterial potions," he concluded quietly. The young wizard nodded and his shaggy hair, too long untrimmed, fell into his face. Instead of shaking it back impatiently he stared at the table in front of him for a long minute.

"I suppose if they sent you an improper cutting of hellebore a Draught of Peace could turn out rather badly," he mused under his breath. Slightly confused by Harry's lack of attention to the subject at hand, Severus tried to steer him back onto safe footing.

"Indeed. Lucky for the students, and perhaps unluckily for me, I am an expert at telling the difference between all of these potion ingredients and that is a large part of the reason which draws me to Diagon Alley today." The eyes came back into focus and the head snapped up. Severus was relieved to see it. That dreamy half-state sent shivers down his spine.

"It's not safe. Hermione…." Harry trailed off as though he had let slip the trail to an Aztec treasure.

"Miss Granger suggested that I might be in some sort of mortal peril if I tried to pick up my shopping?" Severus kept his voice light and dry but the frown never departed from Harry's face.

"I think it's a bad idea, sir."

"I acknowledge that you think that however it does not change my decision to go."

"As a guest in my house I would think that manners would dictate that you at least consider my opinion," Harry said, his voice turning icy. Cocking his head ever so slightly to the side Severus raised one eyebrow until the young man ducked his head away and stared at the opposite wall, crimson blooming in his cheeks.

"Why are you so concerned about me leaving? Are you afraid that you are still being controlled?" Harry did not reply but instead made a very big show of counting the number of stones in the wall opposite him. "Very well, you do not wish to talk and the afternoon is fast approaching. I will be back before nightfall." He had made it all the way to grabbing the floo powder in his hand before Harry leapt from the chair. For a moment Severus had actually thought he would be able to leave in peace.

"If you are going I'm coming with you."

"It would hardly be prudent for your first reappearance in the public eye to be strolling along Diagon Alley. I am certain if Miss Granger advised you of any hostility towards me she also advised you that some of the public remains…unsettled about recent events surrounding you." Harry wanted to shake the other man to force him to stop speaking in that oddly soothing, even tone.

"If you mean she told me people want my head on a stake then yeah, it might have been mentioned in passing," he said rather bitterly.

"Always the talent for the dramatic overstatement," the words were out of Severus' mouth before he could stop them but they had an oddly calming effect on Harry.

"I know it's not safe. I…I don't particularly want to be out there anyway," he said slowly. "But…I have…I think I have an idea." The uncertainty in Harry's voice was so heartbreakingly like the Harry who emerged in spite of Voldemort's hold on him that Severus was loathe to deny the man anything. Shaking away those feelings and reminding himself sharply that this was a life or death situation Severus advised gently,

"Your invisibility cloak would not be wise. There is too much chance of someone bumping into you."

"I try not to wear it anymore. It tends to upset Augury," Harry said the name like something sour had settled in his mouth. "Seeing as it was probably made out of one of his ancestors."

"Ah. So your plan is?" Harry looked suddenly severely uncomfortable and got to his feet, seeming to second guess himself several times before turning towards the door.

"Wait here." Two steps forward and he changed his mind, turning back to the fireplace and collecting the bowl of floo powder from the mantelpiece as well as indicating that Severus should drop the handful he held back into it. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes and reminding himself that much of this paranoia was well-deserved and likely to serve the man in staying alive, Severus did so. Harry left the room with the bowl tucked under one arm.

Several minutes passed and Severus began to wonder if the man was attempting a disillusionment charm or some other such disguising magic and was discovering it beyond his diminished magical capabilities. Or worse still, that he had performed some unexpected adverse magic in the attempt. Just as he decided to go and check on Harry the half-closed door was nudged open and a rather wiry, pale lion paced into the room. Severus did not need to check for the darkened patch of hair to the top of the animal's forehead or circling its eyes to know that this was Harry's animagus form.

"A lion, Potter? A bit of a cliché, don't you think?" he drawled. McGonnagall must have delighted in seeing the form as she gave her star pupil lessons. She had acted mysteriously for weeks afterwards and had flatly refused to tell anyone Harry's form with the promise that the surprise would be far more interesting than word of mouth. The lion reared onto its hind-legs and Harry reappeared on the spot looking shaken.

"I couldn't transform for a bit while…" apparently unable to admit again that Voldemort had been inside of him, Harry trailed off. It became clear to Severus why Harry had left the room, for fear of failure which might indicate the presence of something sinister. "I thought…I thought maybe my form would've changed."

"Patronus' may change. Animagus forms do not," Severus told him in his 'Professor Snape' voice, though quietly if that question had been posed to him prior to seeing the transformation he had to admit that he would have thought that Harry's unique situation might have caused an alteration. Harry gave a half-hearted shrug. "In any case, I hardly think that going to Diagon Alley as a lion will be any more of a disguise than placing a tea-cosy on your head. You cannot believe that no one will be smart enough to surmise who a conspicuously marked lion is? Particularly given the need for you to disguise yourself in public? And in my company?"

"I don't think so. I think… I think people will think I'm too evil to be a lion," Harry said uncertainly.

"Lion's are not the pure creatures you seem to want to believe simply because they happen to be your house mascot, Potter," Severus retorted in a long-suffering tone. "They are proud, certainly, as all Gryffindors are insufferably. They have the ability to hunt down their prey patiently and viscously and usually on their own, hardly considered pure. They are extremely territorial and are ferociously certain that their beliefs should be the ones which others follow." Severus stopped abruptly when he noticed Harry looking pale and trembling. "Those are not always bad things," he added, his tone returning to mild. After a beat he added, "Harry."

"Sounds a lot like Voldemort really," Harry muttered, turning his face away and unconsciously scrubbing at his arm in an effort to rid himself of the uncomfortable tingling Severus' words had elicited.

"Therefore people will certainly suspect you," Severus said rather tartly, frustrated at his inability to understand the strange mood changes Harry kept placing before him. The man did not flinch but instead set his face determinedly.

"It is rather moot. Whether or not they suspect it is me it is the best plan and I don't intend to let you go off and get murdered without at least attempting to help. Don't try and suggest anything else because you and I both know that charms and invisibility potions will all have the same problem as my cloak. I am coming or you are not going and you will have to take the risk that students will start falling through beds because of improperly prepared Bundimun solution."

"It would not be my preparations which would cause the damage," Severus said in a defeated voice. "Dumbledore mentioned he might be in Diagon Alley today." As expected, this made Harry do a double-take. As though it was playing out before him on a screen, Severus could see the conflict Harry felt over the possible confrontation with his old mentor who he had turned on as viscously as the lion Severus had described. He had tried to kill him.

Had he been capable he would have paled further at the sudden realisation that if he had killed Dumbledore then, very simply, the headmaster would no longer be around. Such a reality seemed so foreign and incredible that Harry could not hold onto more than a few glimpses of how different the world would be. Even now, even after all that had occurred between himself and the headmaster, even considering the distrust he would possibly always feel for the man, Harry at least had faith that Dumbledore would always appear to be on his side. If that was the case then others in the wizarding world would fall into line.

Harry was not sure he could ever trust the headmaster again. The thought pained and saddened him. Dumbledore had been someone he had looked up to so very much before the start of the previous year. Where had it all gone wrong?

"I don't care," he said finally, his voice rasping a touch. "I'm coming." Severus felt a tightening in his chest and the strongest urge to help Harry in some way, to take away some of his pain. It had been so easy when Voldemort had been a part of him. All it would take was a touch, a kiss and he knew he had made a difference. Even now he was still uncertain about whether Harry resented him for what he had done whilst Voldemort inhabited the man.

"You have to start understanding that the acts which have been carried out in the past months have been Voldemort, not you."

"It was me," Harry replied with surprising aggression. "Every stinking murderous act it was me behind the wand, me wanting to kill, me saying the words." Suddenly fearful at the strange turn in Harry's attitude, Severus acted with instinct and strode across the room to Harry's side, reaching out to place a hand across the nape of the other man's neck. Harry flinched violently and threw him off, heightening Severus' concern until he said, "I don't like you touching there. It…it's where you had to to get him away." He looked so utterly wretched that Severus wanted to wrap an arm around his shoulders and squeeze. Both his distaste at this sudden thought and the concern that it might startle Harry prevented him from doing so.

"Very well, you may come," he relented instead. "On the condition that you listen to every thing that I say."

"Of course," Harry said, silently adding to himself that listening did not necessarily equate to obeying. He would not, for instance, listen to any self-sacrificing commands of running to save himself if they were attacked. Severus knew he should consider this easy assent as suspicious but found himself too glad at the prospect of Harry leaving the house to risk spoiling it.

"You realise you will have to use the floo in human form and then change once we arrive in the Leaky Cauldron?" Severus confirmed. "Are you able to transform that rapidly?" Harry nodded but, unlike the cocky Gryffindor of old, did not use the chance to show off his skills. This calmed Severus somewhat. "I will go first then and offer you at least some shade from wandering eyes." He indicated with his fingers for the floo powder which Harry realised he had left outside. He raised a hand to summon it in before flinching and dropping it.

"Back in a moment."

"No need," Severus interrupted and with a wave of his wand the floo powder flew back into the room. He wondered if a part of Harry's reluctance to change in front of him had also been to do with his diminished magical abilities. Biting his tongue to keep from asking if Harry's healing skills had disappeared with the rest of his abilities, he grabbed a handful of floo powder and offered the bowl to Harry who repeated the motion.

He really did look unwell, so pale and with a thin line of sweat on his forehead.

"Are you sure you are well enough to such a trip."

"Do you want me to go first?" Harry countered, touchily.

"No." Severus threw his handful onto the fire and stepped in. "Diagon Alley." He was thrown through the floo with his arms snapped to attention at his sides and stepped out in the Leaky Cauldron. A few pairs of disinterested eyes glanced casually at the fireplace but only one pair bothered to be surprised at seeing Severus Snape, Dark Wizard Accomplice there. On the pretence of shaking off soot, Severus raised his robes out to the side and shook them until he heard the sound of four paws hitting wood. Having successfully disguised Harry's entrance to the dingy pub he straightened up with dignity and snapped his fingers as though calling to a familiar.

Harry, rather affronted by this, refrained from nipping at the offending fingers. Instead he stuck close to Severus as he wound his way past two warlocks involved in a heated discussion about illegal dragon smuggling and between someone Harry swore must have been half-troll and a tiny goblin having a debate over where was best to sit. One of the comical pair nudged him and Harry leapt forward dramatically, the unfamiliar feeling shaking him. He could feel Severus' eyes on him in concern and quickly tried to act more animal-like by raising a paw and licking it as though it pained him.

Apparently satisfied, Severus continued out to the bricks which would lead into Diagon Alley. Harry padded behind him, trying not to be overwhelmed by the smells his new nose could detect. The cigar an old warlock was smoking in the corner was enough to almost choke him. In a sudden fit of panic he realised his limp translated to his animagus' rear paw but shook off his fear with a sharp reminder that he was there only to protect Severus and it did not matter if anyone recognised him.

He at least enjoyed the semi-animalistic feeling he got in his animagus form. It was just enough to stop him thinking too much about the many murders which kept flickering throughout his mind. Trying his best to appear like a familiar, a difficult task as he had never actually met someone with one, Harry followed Severus out into the street. For a moment he felt incredibly at ease. Diagon Alley was one of his favourite places in the world. It had been his introduction into the wizarding world.

He had stared into each of these windows astonished by the tiniest piece of magic. The site of wizards impatiently reducing all of their bags to one small enough to fit in their pocket had left his jaw to the ground. For a moment he was not The Dark Phoenix or any other variation of that man, for a moment he was 11 year old Harry Potter with no clue of his destiny.

Then a foot caught him painfully and he yowled loudly. Severus turned immediately, wand out to find the offending witch blubbering apology while staring in a panic at the giant cat at her legs. Severus' eyes burned into Harry's mind and he realised he was staring disconcertingly at the woman who had run into him. Hastily correcting his behaviour he twisted around and started to lick at the painful spot.

"For Merlin's sake stop blubbering and _go _woman," Severus growled at the witch who took to her heels with pleasure. Clearly wanting to ensure Harry was okay but knowing it was unacceptable Severus turned in a flurry of cloak and stalked down the alley. Harry followed, his limp worsened. With sudden relief he realised the witch's blunder had given him the perfect excuse for his injury.

More nudges came from all sides and panic wormed its way into his throat as he realised how crowded the road was. He had lived in seclusion for so long even half a dozen people in his study had been too much to handle. A swarm of chattering wizards surrounded him and for one horrific heart-clenching moment he could not see Severus at all.

"Severus!" he cried, but all that emitted from his mouth was a panicked half-roar. Two of the wizards jumped aside warily. Though he could not speak Severus had heard him and a moment later had wrestled his way back through the crowds, snarling at the group.

"Isn't that..." Harry froze, they could not have recognised him. Not now, not like this.

"Snape," muttered another man. As though he had spoke a particularly threatening word the rest of the group hastily faded away. Severus knelt down on the pretext of adjusting his shoe.

"If you could _please _avoid drawing so much attention to us?" he growled. "I thought the idea was to protect me not to ensure everyone in the alley was aware I am here." Harry's lion-eyes were beseeching and Severus sighed. "Just stay by my leg and avoid getting dragged off." Harry fell into step beside Severus again, brushing up against his leg as he stuck so close. He could tell he was irritating the man but as more irritable witches and wizards swept around he could tell he was better off with an irritated Severus than an infuriated anyone else. It would only take one of them, it would only take one spell...

"Inside," Severus barked suddenly, in a way which suggested he had been attempting to get Harry's attention for sometime. Harry quickly obeyed, dashing inside the apothecary and then curling up unobtrusively in a corner in what he hoped was an animal-like fashion. Severus glanced at him, shook his head and went about collecting the ingredients he needed. He murmured something Harry could not hear to the shopkeeper and slipped him a list. From the bowing and,

"Of course, Professor." He received Harry could tell he was a good customer. Probably one who picked up illegal ingredients too. Severus turned to look at Harry, straight-faced but scrutinising as he tried to work out what exactly had spooked the other man so badly. He supposed it was natural for him to feel frightened when he first ventured out into the world again. Sometimes Severus felt like that after he had been brewing for several days or worse still, after the school holidays.

He hoped it did not mean anything more sinister. He doubted it did, not when Harry could transform into his animagus form.

"Here you are, Professor Snape. All of the _specialty _items you request," breathed the shopkeeper. "That's seventeen galleons." Severus grimaced but dropped the gold onto the counter. They always charged an arm and a leg when they knew you could not risk being handed over to the authorities. Bastards.

"Come," he barked at Harry, collecting his packages and slipping them into various parts of his robes. Opening the front door he waited for Harry to slink out beside him, stopping as soon as he could to avoid being too far from Severus as he shut the door and followed him out. "One stop before we go home." Harry looked up at him beseechingly but Severus wanted to see how far he could push the boundaries. He could tell the young man was becoming more confused as they headed passed the book store, the cauldron store and the robe store only to stop outside Florence Fortescue's.

"Two cookies and cream ice-creams, one in a dish," he ordered. Fortescue looked surprised, glancing between Severus and Harry.

_He knows my favourite_, Harry thought, simultaneously excited that Severus knew and horrified that Forescue did. Severus' glower must have done the trick however as he said nothing and instead hurried off to supply them with their order. A few minutes later Severus was licking his ice cream in as dignified a manner as someone could lick an icecream. The dish presented to Harry was immediately turned into a black and white mush, half of which slopped onto the ground much to Severus' disgust.

Nonetheless he was pleased to see Harry enjoying the food so much. He doubted there was any situation which would make Lord Voldemort each in such a manner and it was the final confirmation he needed to make him relax. It was Harry next to him. Now all he needed to concern himself with was the man's rehabilitation.

Rehabilitating him from being possessed by the most evil wizard ever to exist, turning evil and murdering people brutally and openly.

He supposed this was the easy part.

A/N: I'm sure you're all sick to death of hearing about whatever personal issue has been holding up this story so I will leave it at 2011 was a rough year but the story continues. I renew my pledge to continue the story come hell or high water. Thank you to all the reviewers who spurred me to scribble a little more of this every time I had a moment.


	4. A Missed Birthday

**Chapter Four**

_**A missed birthday**_

The return from Diagon Alley had been uneventful. Despite Harry's assertions that he had been fine the entire trip, Severus could clearly see he was pale and happy to be home. Augurey had been waiting for them when they returned through the fireplace looking anxious, if Demiguises could look anxious. He had disappeared as soon as he had seen Harry safely transformed back into himself.

Harry had sunk down into an armchair and remained there for the rest of the afternoon. Severus ordered tea and settled nearby with a book stolen from the library shelves. Though he turned each page dutifully his sharp eyes focussed mostly on his main concern. Harry stared at the table and the hot tea which sat there without making a move towards it. Occasionally he rubbed his shoulder absently and winced at his own touch. The third such movement irritated Severus enough for him to lower his book and growl,

"If it hurts why do you insist on touching it?" Harry's hand froze and then dropped to his lap. Licking his lips he looked like he had been caught in the act of stealing a cookie from the jar.

"I...I don't know."

"What happened?" His terse words covered concern that any pain might indicate the return of an unwanted presence.

"The witch...in Diagon Alley. When she ran into me," Harry said quietly.

"So fix it. Are you a wizard or not?" The sweat which had gathered on Harry's brow earlier left him coated in a light glean. The act of transforming appeared to have exhausted his remaining strength.

"I don't know how. I never learnt healing magic," the younger man replied, looking away to close the matter.

"Hmph." Severus stared sharply at Harry for another few moments but finally turned back to his book, mind racing. It baffled him that Harry could have lost powers granted to him by the creatures simply because Voldemort had been exhumed from his body. Creatures were far more intuitive than humans and he was almost certain they would not have attached their gifts to Voldemort's essence rather than Harry's.

Not to mention, Severus thought, perplexed, the fact that he had seen Harry using wandless magic in the pensieve far before Voldemort had possessed him. How could all that power have been torn away from him? Was it just his body being exhausted from the removal of such an evil force? Or, more fearfully, had Voldemort done real damage as he attempted to overtake Harry completely. Perhaps the man would never regain his normal powers again.

He looked like an old man hunched over in his chair by the light of the torches, not a sixteen year old boy. Severus blinked and checked his facts. It was August, not July. Harry had missed his seventeenth birthday.

"You are seventeen," he observed quietly. Harry looked surprised at the topic.

"Yes. I feel older."

"I don't doubt." He had dealt with almost as much as Dumbledore. Severus longed to wipe the haunted look from Harry's eyes. Getting to his feet he moved closer, all too aware of the suspicious eyes which turned to him as he did so. As though he had forced himself to, or chided himself for his reaction, Harry calmed. "I can help with your shoulder."

"Oh..right, yeah." Harry shrugged off his shirt to reveal a nasty bruise breaking through the surface. It had bloomed quickly enough that Severus suspected the injury went down to the bone. Resting a gentle hand on it Severus waved his wand several times before resting the tip gently on the bruise. Despite his care, Harry winced again. It might have been Severus' imagination but he also though he was leaning into the hand on his shoulder. Just in case he was right, he gave the skin a very gentle squeeze.

"Would you like to have a...gathering to celebrate your birthday?" The muscles under his hand stiffened violently and Harry's face took on a combined look of horror and fear.

"I ... no..."

"You have come of age, it is an important event," Severus continued levelly, pretending not to have noticed. "Although you may not wish to have a large group over. Perhaps Granger and Weasley would suffice? I cannot believe they would want the moment to pass unmarked."

"I don't..." Fear ran rampant over Harry's face and suddenly his shoulder slumped and his head dropped a little. "I suppose. All right."

"All right?" Severus probed suspiciously, concerned by the change of mind.

"Yeah. Yes, sir." An emotion played on Harry's face which took a moment for Severus to pin down. Shame.

"Very well. I will request their presence. How does your shoulder feel now?" Reluctantly, Severus removed his hand from the skin as Harry reached up to press at the disappearing bruise.

"Better, thanks." Staring hard at the ground, Harry refused to meet Severus' eyes. The professor fought his urge to demand attention in several inappropriate ways and returned to his chair.

* * *

><p>It had taken hours for Harry to fall asleep that night. It was well past midnight when Severus finally had time to retire to the library and use the fireplace to call Hermione. Briefly, he considered that it might be ill-mannered to wake the girl so late but dismissed it for fear that Harry might change his mind once more. He had already spent most of the night wandering up and down the room changing from yes to no. Severus was not certain he could stand to hear,<p>

"Well...I suppose..yes, yes," again before he completely unleashed Professor Snape on the young man. He could not abide such unnecessary rambling.

"So I can assume you will both arrive here promptly tomorrow morning at ten o'clock," he said, attempting to finalise what had been a lengthily and rambling conversation.

"Oh...maybe not...I er..." Ron stammered, flicking his eyes to Hermione.

"Oh for goodness sakes, Ron! This is an enormous step for Harry and we aren't going to refuse to see him," she snapped impatiently. Turning to her with pain in his eyes, Ron hesitated for a moment before saying,

"But...Hermione he...Voldemort killed Ginny. Harry _tried _to kill your parents."

"Potter was _possessed_," Severus snarled furiously. "It was not him and it certainly was not his fault. If you are going to continue to act like a child it is just as well if you do not come." Frowning at him, Hermione shook her head slightly to stop him continuing his tirade and turned her attention to Ron, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"It's just Harry, Ron. Just Harry who you met the first day you went to Hogwarts. You played quidditch together. Also, he does not have the powers he had while he was ... from before." Seeing Ron was still hesitant and realising this would have to be a far longer conversation to reassure him, Hermione squeezed his shoulder again and dropped her hand. "We will be there, Professor."

"Fine," Severus growled. His head disappeared from the fire for a moment before returning. Hesitantly he said, "If it would make you feel better, I will remain tomorrow." Ron laughed bitterly and Hermione frowned at him.

"It is very kind of you to offer, Professor, but we will be fine. Although it might make Harry feel more comfortable." Severus furrowed his brow.

"What do you mean, Granger?"

"My conversation with him worried me," she shrugged. "I'm not entirely convinced that he will be comfortable with us there tomorrow."

"I think he will be fine," Severus said, quietly making a note to suss Harry out for himself and attempt to learn what he had spoken with Hermione about. "Weasley, I would think you would be pleased to see Potter, since you were so eager to see him when he was hospitalised." Ron did not reply, his face closing over, but instead turned and walked away from the fireplace. The guilty look on Hermione's face told Severus all he needed to know about Ron's presence in the Hospital Wing.

"Try not to entirely traumatise Potter tomorrow," he sighed, before closing their connection.

* * *

><p>Severus had excused himself early that morning to attend to things at Hogwarts, leaving a very nervous Harry in Birch Hall to await the arrival of his friends. Harry took up residence in his study, attempting to read a tome on the history of animagi without really taking it in. Augurey had looked in on him but had quickly left again when his presence had only drawn a distressed look from the young man. Dobby had tried to force some breakfast into him but Harry had flatly refused.<p>

When the first noises came from the animals of the forest alerting him to the presence of his humans approaching Harry's heart began to race. Wiping sweating palms on his jeans, Harry shut his book and attempted to straighten his hair. The walk down the stairs went by too quickly for his liking, though it was a long way. The knock on the door coincided with his arrival in the Entrance Hall. Waiting for a few beats and wiping his hands again, Harry opened it wide.

Hermione and Ron waited for him. The former with an enormous smiled on her face, so tightly pulled that it looked almost painful. Ron's face was twisted into a forced smile which looked more like he had a toothache. His hands jittered slightly and Harry was not unaware of how his right hand hovered over his wand pocket. Taking note, he actively kept his hands within sight.

"Harry!" Hermione cried, launching forward to hug him. Flinching, Harry forced himself not to pull his wand in instinct as the girl realised her mistake in time to halt face-to-face with him. "Sorry. I don't want to squash the cake," she lied quickly, side-stepping him.

"Cake?" Harry asked dubiously.

"It's your birthday," she chirped. "Speaking of which, happy birthday."

"Thank you." Harry looked at Ron who was rocking back on his heels, prepared to run away long before he stepped over the threshold into Harry's home territory. Thinking of Severus and how pleased he had seemed when Harry had agreed to this meeting, the young man swallowed his anxiety and offered his hand to the redhead. Eying it suspiciously, Ron slowly reached out to shake it.

"Yeah, happy birthday."

"Thanks." Ron's palm was as sweaty as his, Harry noticed with concern as his pulse raced once more. A frightened person was a dangerous person and his instincts were sending up red flags all over the place. Ron edged his way into the house, looking as though he was signing his death warrant as he did so. Sadly, Hermione considered that their equal jumpiness would be amusing if the situation were not so serious.

"We brought presents," she chipped in when Harry appeared bewildered as to what to do next. "Maybe we could sit somewhere?"

"Yeah...here." The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he turned away from Ron who Harry could feel the anger pulsing off of. Endeavouring to place himself at risk for as short a time as possible, he led them into the Great Hall which was the closest room with seats. Immediately turning back to the pair, Harry slid into a chair on one side of the table and watched as Ron carefully positioned himself diagonally across from him, closer to the door. After a moment of hesitation, Hermione seemed to settle on a compromise and sat directly across from Harry.

"We brought gifts from a few other people, Harry. They wanted to wish you a happy birthday too." Harry said nothing, glancing up the room at all the empty chairs. He wished suddenly and with surprising ferocity that Severus had remained behind that day. At least having him in the room would allow Harry some certainty that someone would have his back if anything went wrong. Silence greeting her and Ron staring hard at the table with a slight stain on his cheeks left Hermione wishing quietly for the same thing. "This is from Professor Dumbledore, this from Hagrid – he promised it wasn't food, Professor McGonagall, this is from the Weasleys..." Hermione trailed off as she saw Harry's shocked expression. His mouth was slightly open as he stared at the pile of presents piling up before him and appeared dangerously close to tears. Swallowing slightly, he glanced to one side.

"I'll open them later, thanks."

"Oh, sure," Hermione said overly-brightly. "We also brought cake."

"I just had breakfast," Harry lied. Silence fell and Hermione found herself in the rare situation of having nothing to say. Ron's presence dampened all of her ability to make easy conversation with Harry as she had the last time she had visited.

"You know, I would really love a tour of Birch Hall. It's so enormous I'm certain I haven't seen a quarter of it."

"Oh. All right then," Harry said, quashing his immediate unease that he was being lured off into a trap. Sensing his unhappiness, Hermione prodded Ron to step up beside Harry so he would remain in the other boy's field of vision. Harry showed them from room to room with very little commentary, answering politely when Hermione chatted kindly to him and asked questions about each room. Ron occasionally spoke when Hermione addressed a question to him, but offered no opinion of his own until one thing perked his interest.

"This is the pitch," Harry offered unnecessarily, digging his hands into his pockets and fingering his wand to try and comfort himself. It was a large oval which had long ago had old-fashioned quidditch rings of unsanded wood erected. It did not have any stands but was circled by the trees of the forest instead.

"It's regulation size," Ron said, straining not to sound too impressed.

"It was here when I moved in," Harry said. Rubbing at his arm he tried to remember how he used to talk to Ron before he was possessed. Quidditch seemed like such a good place to start but for the life of him Harry could not have even said if the Professional season was over.

"We could play some quidditch?" Ron suggested rather tentatively. The way he peered at Harry sideways suggested there was something more to his question. It was pressing to see if this Harry was anything like the Harry he used to know. Harry did not want to. He had no desire to play quidditch and even less to attempt to fly again. It _did _feel like something from a past life, the fierce joy he used to feel on a broom had surely vanished once the taint of Voldemort had touched him. Saying no to Ron, who looked pained to have made a suggestion which would put him in such a vulnerable position, was a sure way to lose his friend forever though. With a slightly rueful smile at Hermione who smiled back, appearing to understand how he was feeling, he said,

"Sure." Pulling out his wand, Harry grimaced and put it back in his pocket. His reaction was not helped by Ron's pallor at the sudden movement. "Dobby." Dobby appeared with a pop! "Could you please fetch us three...two brooms?" Harry amended his speech seeing the shake of Hermione's head. Love Harry dearly as she did, flying was one area she had no intention of venturing back into after her disastrous first few attempts. Kicking around on the ground for a minute Harry found a pair of rocks and handed them to Hermione who promptly transformed one into a quaffle and the second into a bludger.

"I'll wait until you're in the air to send it off," she said, placing it lightly to one side. Dobby reappeared at that moment carrying Harry's Firebolt and a worse-for-wear Nimbus 2001. Harry waited a moment but seeing that Ron would not choose a broom before he had, took his Firebolt. At his movement, Ron grabbed the second broom and took off into the air with the quaffle under his arm. Harry stared dubiously at his broom for a moment before attempting to swing his leg over it. Wincing in pain, his leg thumped back to the ground. Gritting his teeth he managed to clamber on on his second try and rubbed his leg furiously for a moment. Kicking off with difficulty Harry found himself in the air and was so surprised he thought he might fall off.

A feeling, like a memory from a past life, filled his chest. His head rushed with wind and happiness. Dropping down he pulled out of the dive instinctively and was not filled with the horrible feeling of wanting to continue heading for the ground that he had dealt with so often before. Twisting around Harry lapped the field twice before he realised he had company. Surprised at how clear and happy he felt, he flew to a decent height and raised a hand to signal he was ready. Ron tossed the quaffle as high as he could and they both flew for it. Harry grabbed it out of the air, trying to ignore the way Ron flinched when he got closed and leaned forward over his broom as he headed for the opposite end of the pitch.

Harry's throw was almost half-hearted as he aimed at the hoops. When Ron dashed out of nowhere to grab it from the air he looked as surprised as Harry was. For a moment they peered at one another uncertainly before Ron bolted up towards the other end of the pitch. With a fierce grin, Harry turned his broom and shot off after him. It was beginning to feel as though they had never left Hogwarts. Ron scored and Harry took possession, not hesitating this time as he threw the quaffle through the hoop.

He felt exuberant. He felt free. He felt like _Harry_.

Joyfully he swooped through the air, chasing Ron down and intercepting the quaffle as often as he could. The distinctive memory of chasing after the golden snitch, the Hogwarts crowd roaring in his ears. Rushing by with those memories came the memories of classes, the simple times of homework and late-night essay writing. Dinners and lunches in the Great Hall, daytime by the lake. Thinking the worst thing in the world was the presence of Snape looming up behind him as he attempted to brew a potion.

Snape. Severus. Protection, safety.

"Woah," Ron yelled as Harry threw the quaffle straight to him. The ball struck his fingertips then fell straight down to the ground. Simultaneously, the boys burst out into laughter at the goofed easy catch. They both fell silent immediately in surprise, each looking at the other as though they might bite. After a few minutes of this bewildered, uncomfortable silence, Hermione called up to them,

"How about we have some cake now?"

"Sounds good," Ron agreed, clearly more at ease than he had been prior to their impromptu quidditch match. Despite this, he waited until Harry began his decent to turn and drop down after him.

* * *

><p>The day passed slowly, but pleasantly once the ice had been broken. They had shared the cake Hermione brought, even including Dobby and Augurey though Harry had flinched to have the pair seated with them. Ron ventured to fill Harry in on a few events in the Quidditch league, bringing him up to date with the Cannons who were doing far better than usual. Hermione looked at them with tears in her eyes and risked a strong hug as they left. Ron even ventured to shake his hand.<p>

Harry sank into bed that night with a single thought whirling through his head. It seemed impossible, especially without Severus by his side, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe, life could go back to how it was.

**A/N: Not dead yet! As always, this story will be finished.**


	5. Checking In

**Chapter Five**

_**Checking In**_

Severus had spent more time worrying about Harry than he cared to admit while he was absent from Birch Hall. Hermione he felt confident leaving his charge with, Ron was a worrisome unpredictable element. Too ready to judge and disturbingly likely to remind Harry of everything that had passed, Severus just hoped Hermione could get between them before anything could happen. Harry was certainly unable to protect himself with his diminished magical skills.

Worry had eaten at him until he returned to Birch Hall in the earliest hours of the morning the next day to discover Harry curled up in the study, tucked carefully into his chair as he read the seventh year potions text. Raising his eyebrows Severus demanded,

"Do you intend to return to Hogwarts to complete your education, or are you simply bored with advanced texts?" His snarky tone was an easy way to take out his fears without outwardly displaying them. Harry's eyes turned to him and he jumped to his feet, appearing to want to lunge towards Severus to say hello but preventing himself.

"I think I would have difficulty doing that, since I missed six year. Though I am certain I have developed the necessary...skills to pass most of my classes anyway. Perhaps not astronomy," he replied with a slight grin, hands balled by his side and the look he gave Severus almost desperate. Surprised that the response to his acerbic comment appeared so genuine, Severus cocked his head to one side before stepping forward to offer himself to Harry. The young man gladly accepted, leaping forward to bury himself in the potion's master's arms.

"I could always purchase your seventh year texts the next time I am in Diagon Alley," he suggested evenly, surprised that Harry appeared keen to return to a modicum of normality.

"I'll come," Harry said instantly, not removing himself from the hug. Severus smelt like comfort, like home. Harry had only realised that the deep ache in his chest was from missing the man once he had returned. Reluctantly letting go, he made his way back to his chair.

"What are those?" Severus inquired blandly, looking at a stack of neatly wrapped packages. Dobby had shifted the presents from the dining room when they had returned for cake and now they were stacked near the fireplace. "Albus mentioned he would likely send you a present for your birthday." Looking up from the book he was now staring blankly at, Harry shrugged. "Are you truly that idiotic or is this something that you are avoiding?" Sighing, Harry put down his book and climbed to his feet to collect the presents.

"I didn't want to open them in front of Ron and Hermione," he explained softly. Severus barely heard the comment, considering the very muggle way Harry had collected the presents. In the past he would simply have levitated the objects over. If Harry could not carry out the most basic magic, he certainly could not return to Hogwarts. He wondered momentarily if the part of Voldemort that Harry had carried since he was born had been the reason he had had such power in the first place. Immediately, he shook away those thoughts. The Harry he knew was too strong to be crippled by Voldemort after his demise.

Settled back in his chair, Harry stared at the presents in his hands as though they were threatening to blow up in his face. Without the usual joy which only a boy who had received socks and coathangers for his first eleven birthdays could express, Harry slowly unwrapped each present. His face was impassive as he looked at each and placed it to one side. Severus was paying the gifts more mind than the man they were for.

Hermione, of course, belonged to the seventh year Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook and a study journal. Curling his upper lip slightly, Severus thought it in rather poor taste given Harry's recent dabbling in the Dark Arts. Harry was thinking the complete opposite, though he did not let it show on his face. It was a show of faith from Hermione in his current state of mind as well as plea or a promise that he return for NEWTS.

Weasley, typically, went with Quidditch. Severus could not turn his nose up at it though as it suggested the boy may have actually purchased it himself. It was a snitch with the name Harry inscribed on it. It might have been chalking too much to Weasley's intelligence to think he had actively left 'Potter' off it. Harry placed the snitch carefully to one side, not playing with it as he once would have.

From the rest of the Weasley's came the traditional home-knitted jumper with a large H on it. Severus sneered at its lack of weather-appropriateness. Harry stared at it for a long moment before carefully folding it and placing it to one side. A hamper of food had also been packed, a slightly sadder tradition, as well a special contribution from Fred and George: _U-Know-Poo_.

Dumbledore had indeed sent a present as promised – it was Harry's official apparition licence. How he had gotten it Harry had no idea but he had certainly proved more than once to Dumbledore that he could apparate. This piece of paper was placed quickly to one side as it began to bring up difficult memories.

"I require breakfast. Eggs or toast?" Severus asked, sensing his discomfort. He had long since learned not to ask Harry if he wished to eat, but rather give him a choice of what he would consume.

"Eggs," Harry said quietly. He seemed on a personal mission to open all of the presents now he had begun. McGonagall had sent him a beautiful new quill and some fresh parchment. Harry got the distinct sense that she, like Hermione, was expecting him to return to Hogwarts. As though he had had a bad flu which he could shake.

The final present was from Hagrid. Inedible rock cakes and a distinctly more edible smushed chocolate cake reminiscent of the one he had created for Harry's 11th birthday. Swallowing heavily, Harry pushed it onto the table. Thankfully the second part of Hagrid's present distracted him from the first. A furry pocket watch which attempted to bite him whenever he opened it to check the time.

Feeling torn between nostalgia, sentimentality and a wrenching pain in his chest, Harry got to his feet. The world rocked dangerously around him and the room tilted. Strong hand gripped his shoulders and forced him back into his chair.

"Eat," Severus commanded, thrusting a plate full of eggs into his hands. With a trembling grip, Harry managed to scoop some eggs onto the fork and get half of it into his mouth. Severus left his own plate untouched, slipping onto the couch opposite Harry. Frowning, he watched the egg bring the tremors down slightly but do nothing to colour the pallor of the man's cheeks. He seemed to be fading away before Severus' very eyes.

"Is breakfast satisfactory?" Dobby stood in the doorway, Augurey by his side. Harry looked up then quickly away, flinching. Severus looked on, concerned.

"Quite," he said dismissively. Thankfully, the pair understood his tone and left them in peace. Harry's shoulders dropped in relaxation once they were gone. His hand continued to tremble as he scooped scrambled egg onto his fork and watched it cascade off again.

"Did you get much preparation done, yesterday?" Severus, who had been collecting some of his food on a spoon, dropped it back to his plate in surprise at the mundane question. Casual conversation seemed to have been long lost from Harry's repertoire.

"It was a productive day," he said finally. "I will require some more time to finish my organisation." A shadow flickered across Harry's face at the potential future separation,

"Is the potions lab ready?"

"For students to blow up? Yes. I renewed the protective enchantments, what little good they will do," Severus sighed. "At least they make clean up somewhat simpler."

"I'm certain the house-elves are appreciative," Harry said dryly. Severus looked up feeling as much surprise as the boy was showing at the joke.

"I do not permit house-elves to clean my areas in Hogwarts," he replied, masking his shock. Harry fell into silence once more and picked at the remains of his meal. Severus continued to watch him, hoping whatever was currently bothering him would make itself apparent at some point.

"I suppose they appreciate having less work."

"I doubt they notice in a place so large." Severus tired swiftly of Harry's meandering around the point and began reciting potions ingredients in his head to avoid irritably shushing the man.

"Will all the seventh years be returning?" Looking up sharply, Severus suddenly understood.

"Some will not. The children of Death Eaters will mostly not be returning."

"Mostly?" The question was said sharply and Harry was now looking directly at the potions master.

"Some students have lobbied to return and have been granted permission. Albus does not wish to show prejudice against them simply due to their circumstances. Colin Creevy, despite his obvious involvement in informing Voldemort of the goings on at Hogwarts can, of course, not be held responsible for his actions. Others who have shown less integrity in the past will not be permitted return, such as Draco Malfoy."

"He lobbied to return?" Harry's voice was a mixture of surprise and anger.

"He had been working for our side for some time." Eyes squinted slightly, Severus put his plate on the table and leaned back, linking his fingers together as he observed Harry. "He was not given the choice, despite this. Albus did not believe his intentions in working for us could quite erase the damage done through his past decisions." This decision had been a surprise to all of Hogwarts staff and a welcome one for Severus. One reason he assumed Dumbledore had come to this judgment was due to Malfoy's constant torment of Harry and the fear that having him in Hogwarts once more might cause this spite increased in the castle while Dumbledore did his best to council the children as to the reality of the situation. This was something Severus had not mentioned to Harry. The second reason Severus believed he had forbidden Draco to return, one Albus would never actually admit, was that Albus hoped deeply that Harry might return.

"Albus, and the students, all understand the importance of completing their NEWTS if they intend on getting a job in the wizarding world," he added rather airily. As expected, Harry's face clouded and he turned away. Shame and loss played there. Hope had become futile, he was certain he could never hope to get a real job anymore. No one would employ him. Dreams of being an auror had been dashed long ago. The look was not missed by Severus but he chose not to prod an open wound.

"Do you wish to return to Hogwarts?" he asked without inflection. The laugh Harry gave was upset and only a touch bitter.

"I would hardly be welcome," he mumbled into his lap.

"Do you truly believe that? Albus, Minerva, Granger, Weasley...yes Weasley, a dozen other Gryffindors and your lumbering friend Hagrid would welcome you back with open arms." To Severus' surprise the names did not brighten Harry's mood but instead appeared to make the man withdraw further with a blatantly pained look on his face. Nothing Severus could say would incite a response from him. It seemed he had reversed the good work Granger and Weasley had done with the boy. He was beginning to fear his presence was becoming a burden, rather than a blessing.

"Very well. I am going to retire to Hogwarts to prepare some potions. I will return to Diagon Alley on August 31st to select some last minute ingredients." Though he was rising from his chair, Severus did not miss Harry flinching at the mention of leaving Birch Hall and mingling in the public once more. In spite of his obvious discomfort he almost whispered,

"I will come." Confused by the suddenly negative turn the day had taken, Severus flooed from Birch Hall, prepared to give Harry some space. Severus' presence was clearly only disrupting the slow recovery. With a sigh he paced his Hogwarts room before finally settling down on his couch and lifting a well-worn book from his coffee table. _Communicating with Magical Creatures_ had not revealed an answer to Harry's loss of speech with Augurey the first time Severus had read it, but perhaps this time it would cooperate.


End file.
